I'm obviously not getting any better if I have to really try and be okay. I try so hard everyday and then I have days like today where it all comes crashing down.
It's another time when all the bad things that can happen are happening at once and I don't know what can be done. I feel alone in this.
My mouth can try and fool my ears and mind by telling them everything is alright, that I am doing well. That I'm getting over it. Then there is the truth. The truth that my ears hear and my mind screams. The truth spoken by my heart.
It's not okay.
I'm not alright.
I am not doing well.
I am so sad I feel as if I could break; shatter into pieces. I hate the feeling I get when I crumble. When I am overcome after weeks of not acknowledging my true feelings. It feels like my body, piece by piece, falls away. It just crumbles; there's no better way to phrase it.
It seems that nobody believes I should feel this way. I am treated as if I am stupid are behaving immaturely. Everyone just makes it all worse.
Honestly, there are a few days here and there when I don't think about how far along I would be, how much closer I would be to the end of September.
It's still so hard knowing that as of almost 2 months ago I would have known the gender and would have been able to put a name to the little one I loved so, so much.
I am so sorry you are gone. It was all my fault.
I loved you so much. I still do.
Love,
me
